Jeff Doltham

While pestering other parts of the Big Sleep, a User failed to come up with a wit and instead apologized by saying "I can't really come up with anything except for some reference to Jose the jalopeno on a stick."

Which is just as well as Dunham is as funny as a dead clown at a six-year-olds birthday party but with only a fraction of the jester's charisma and with the further downside that while the aforementioned quipster can be disposed of at the local morgue or - failing that - harbour and the child can be put into therapy or - if funds are insufficient - institutionalized, Dunham the Dolt will live on forever on YouTube and late-night re-runs or at least until stupidity and bad taste is deemed criminal and penalized with capital punishment at which point human society will end and Titan Quest Society will rule supreme.

Also, I hate Jeff Dunham. Not to mention his retared choice of puppet line-up. I mean, seriously, Achmed the Dead Terrorist? Even in the US-of-A it's not only grossly below even the average level of entertainment, a standard set by shows such as Grey's Anatomy and Gilmore Girls, it plummets to the bottom of the scale of taste! Yeah, sure, the months following the attack against the World Trade Center and so on an act of that kind would rather surprise with its absence but that was then and this is now. Wake up and smell the burnt coffee for crying out loud.
Again, I can at some level understand why the average (North) American lower-middle class man with his mortgages, two cars and spoiled brat guffaws at the sight of the sorry skeleton puppy and his fervent scream of "I kill you!" even now, eight years later, but I will never understand how, even with the humongous PR-machinery that only Hollywood can muster, this at best mildly annoying excuse for ventriloquist and puppeteer can attract the eyes of the Old World. The man is number five on YouTube's quick-find list when entering "j"!

OK, the act. Here it is:

Achemd appears from the chest and is placed by Doltham on the box, hailed by applause, cheers and, for some inexplicable reason, laughter. I suspect it's canned laughter though and I further expect that rooters have been placed in the audience. Anyway.

Achemd is now sitting on the box, looking around. Not even one syllable is uttered and the crowd is already laughing. Such is the power of placebo.

- Good evening Achmed, Doltham sais to which Achemd responds
- Good evening... and the crowd laughs, expectantly
- ...infidel! Achemd finishes and the crowd laughs somewhat more. What can be so funny about greeting phrases I can't imagine but then again, AFHV is a sealed off realm to me.

- So you're a terrorist?
- Yes, I'm a terrorist. I expected laughs here but got none, making me suspect canned laughs even more. Laugh on queue seems to be the ticket here.
- What kind of terrorist?
- A terrifying... Terrorist! Here the crowd finally laughs, marking the butt of the joke. Yeah, that's some good 'ol comedy for ya'. How does he come up with this stuff? Monty Python, go live in a lake!

- Are you scared, Achmed asks Doltham and I answer silently that yes, I'm sacred. If this is supposed to be one of the most renowned contemporary comdey acts then yes, I'm scared.
- Not really, no. Doltham answers.
- Ahh, Achmed replies disappointed and the crowd titters.
- And now? Acmed asks
- Not really, no. Doltham answers again. He's actually repeating himself. What a brilliant act.
- Ahaa! Achmed moans and I sense a hidden persona within Dunham, possibly a bifurcated mind which is trying to kill itself out of unbearable shame. The crowd laughs and a single clap can be heard.

- How about now? Achmed asks and Doltham just stares at the floor, shakes his head and relies that no, not now either.
- God damn it, Achemd curses and the crowd roars with laughter and a few of them are actually screaming out of joy. I can't take this any more, my poor belly is bursting.
Achmed's correction "Oh, I mean Allah damn it" reaps some more laughs and then he does the "Silence! I kill you!" -routine and I kill the tab out of despair and loathing, not wanting to soil my temporary internet archive with this bottom feeder any more than necessary.

Hmm, this turned out to quiet the rant and fairly OT as well. Nah, I'm gonna go watch some Family Guy instead, at least they do fart jokes.

See you guys around!

PS When Achmed sais "Silence! I kill you!" it's actually Dunham's subconscious taking over and talking to Jeff himself.